Sometimes, I wish my mom had lived a different life. A life where she was loved, cared for, and supported the way she deserved. A life where she had a partner who made things easier for her, someone who stood beside her through life's challenges instead of leaving her to face them alone.
I wish she had met a man who could have given her a happier life. Someone who would have shared her burdens, protected her peace, and made her feel that she didn't have to carry the weight of the world on her own.
And sometimes, I think about how, if she had met that man, I probably would never have been born.
And you know what? I would be okay with that.
Because before she was my mother, she was a woman with her own dreams, hopes, and plans for her life. She deserved happiness. She deserved to be cared for, too. She deserved a love that made life feel lighter.
I realized this even more when I got married myself. I know how lucky I am to have a husband who genuinely cares for me, who stands by me, and who has never left me alone during my darkest moments. Having someone who shares your burdens and faces life's challenges with you makes such a difference. It makes you realize that marriage should be a partnership, especially when life gets difficult.
And now, I'm around the same age my mom was when she separated from her husband.
The thought breaks my heart. I cannot imagine the disappointment and loneliness she must have felt, having to face the consequences of circumstances she never deserved to be in. To be left picking up the pieces and trying to move forward when life had already given her so much to carry.
The older I get, the more I realize that my mom wasn't just my mom. She was a woman who had her own struggles, her own heartbreaks, and her own dreams. I wish I could have given her a glimpse of the life she could have had, one where she felt supported, where she didn't have to be strong all the time, and where someone took care of her the way she took care of everyone else.
Now that she's in heaven, I sometimes wonder what her life might have looked like if things had turned out differently. I wish she had experienced more happiness, more peace, and a love that made her feel safe and supported.
If there were a version of this world where my mom had been happier, where she had been loved and cared for the way she deserved, even if that meant I had never been born, I would have wished that life for her, too.
Because my love for her goes beyond wanting more time with her. I wish she had been given a better life while she was still here to live it.
I miss her every day. And I hope that in heaven, she's finally experiencing all the love, peace, and happiness that her heart deserves. ❤️
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